Everything you read about personal development is wrong.
“The subtle art of not giving a fuck.”
I posted a few pictures-quotes from the book on my Instagram and got a few comments, how not giving a fuck about things is exactly the kind of behavior that produces all the assholes in the world, who don’t care about anything but themselves.
The book is not about that at all!
The book is actually quite deep and about how to give a fuck the right way about the right stuff — to not go crazy, become a better person and contribute to the betterment of the world, to leave the right kind of legacy behind, the legacy you feel good about.
The book is about choices, about defining our values, and being very clear about all the ways we stick to those values.
The book is about the right kind of fucks, the fucks that allow us to become better people and take better care of our well-being and the well-being of the world around us.
I went to the book signing/book reading with the author Mark Manson and got the book.
I love the work Mark Manson, the author, puts out online and I knew I’d like the book. What I didn’t know is that it would be the best book on self-development I’ve read! (I’ve been reading self-development books for 15 years or more!) But it certainly IS the best book on self-development out there. For me at least. It’s a different kind of book on self-development, the book all of us need to read, and I believe it will become a best-seller.
Aren’t you tired of hearing and reading all about being extraordinary, exceptional, about deserving the best life and best things in life, about being positive and seeing everything through rose-colored glasses somehow managing to stay realistic and down-to-earth working hard on shit at the same time, about being happy about every failure, and about seeing opportunities in everything, even though often you want to curse and scream, and swear, and cry and admit it all sucks and you need a break and you want it all to be over to relax a bit.
As Mark says in the book — life sucks sometimes and that’s ok. In fact, high moments in life is not what most life is like, quite the opposite. Most of life is quite ordinary and sucky, and we got to learn how live through it, doing the work we love (Or better say the work we choose to do, because we are ok with putting up with all the shit that comes with it).
It made me realize why I had so many failures, and I’m not satisfied with my life at the moment. I wouldn’t say I’m unhappy or depressed. No. I just feel I got to change things and I want to move forward with my career, my relationships, my financial situation, my legacy I’ll leave behind one day. I realized what was in my way and didn’t allow me to move further — the fact, that I felt (till very recent past that ended with me being homeless for a few days), I felt I was entitled to be extraordinary, because I’m so damn special, and if my work is not appreciated enough it is because the world is not ready for it, or some other form of this too-good-for-this-world BS .
Sounds familiar?
I believe, that our culture has entitlement disease. Everyone believes they deserve special treatment, because of something, and life is not really fair to them, because of millions of reasons, and one day, very soon life will become extraordinary — there is no way it won’t, because we are so damn special, aren’t we?
All the media shouts from every corner how life is awesome and extraordinary, and if we are not living at the highest among the best, we are missing something, and we got to pull our act together and get there, or life will pass meaninglessly and aimlessly, like an express train while we are waiting at a local stop.
We all have responsibility-lacking disease also. It’s always something or someone — why we are not “there” yet stuck somewhere working our asses off unnoticed. But wait, one day, we’ll get there and life will be extraordinary every single minute from then on, every single minute, even when we are on the toilet — it all got to be extraordinary, right?
What a BS!
My eyes are starting to see clearly, after years and years of self-development and self-improvement BS.
I don’t need to be extraordinary or exceptional to be well and enjoy life.
I don’t need to be positive about every problem and issue in my life to get through it and continue living my life well.
And you know what else?
I might be ok already.
And you know what else?
I might be ok with enjoying simple things in life without ever having “it all” and being “on the top” of the entire world — with population coming to 10 million people in just a few decades being on top and known to the entire world might be, in fact, quite impossible, unless you are Elon Musk or something (Even Elon is a legend ONLY in English speaking countries, believe it or not).
And you know what else?
If I want to matter to some people and I want to leave some legacy I feel good about, I got to start working my ass off saying yes to opportunities that might not pay all that well and not gonna make me a star of the show, but will give me the opportunity to learn, to do what I enjoy (most of the time), to help some people, to serve the world.
That’s what real life is about.
Life of service. Life of contribution. Life of fulfillment. Life of giving the right kinds of fucks about the stuff that matters to us.
This is what I got out of the book. These are my main lessons, things I needed to hear right now to get back to Earth and start living the real life, instead of day-dreaming about top of the world and living in my head building empires and imaginary connections with imaginary people.
This book is also about values. The good and the bad ones. And about how good values make our life simple allowing us to give a fuck about less things and people, about stuff that we truly care about.
About struggle — life is not all about high moments, most of the time it’s about loving the struggle, the hard work that comes with any dream, anything worth working for.
About commitment and liberation that comes from the right kind of commitments — to the things, that are really important, that we want to stick to, to care for, to dig deeper into.
The book is very deep. Liberating. Grounding. Real. No BS.
Time to take off rose-colored glasses and start living life.
The book applied will help you to reach any goal you have in mind by liberating you from all the BS, all the entitlement and being special issues. — It will liberate energy for the things you truly care about and will make you get back to work and love all the struggles and problems that come with any dream.
All the hours in the gym and sticking to your healthy (sometimes boring) diet, when everyone seems to be eating hamburgers and pizza all around you.
All the hours of reading, writing, learning and putting up with “unfairness” of the world for the sake of one day getting any good at what you chose to be “your thing”.
All the missed parties and high moments of life our entitled-to-everything society lives for.
All the rejections that will make us work more on our craft and get better.
Life can be hard work sometimes.
Life will be hard work.
Life can suck sometimes.
Life will suck.
It’s ok to feel lonely sometimes.
It’s ok to cry sometimes and curse the whole world.
It’s ok to feel you can’t do that anymore — even though you are doing the very thing you love doing the most.
It’s ok to feel hopeless sometimes.
And it’s ok not to ever make it to “the top” and still be happy, be totally satisfied with your life not ever making it to “Success” cover, or any cover and never be mentioned in any media.
It’s ok.
The main takeaway?
Know your values. Know what you care about and why and who. Stick to it. Work hard to leave the legacy YOU care about. Be a human being. And … don’t give a fuck about all the rest.
And?
It’s ok to NOT be special and extraordinary. It’s ok to enjoy our ordinary life that sucks often.
