Are you working for a better prison?
I am at peace with not knowing. Finally.
I’m ok with uncertainty in my life. Lots of it. More than an average person can ever imagine.
Uncertainty doesn’t mean no control over our life. Used correctly uncertainty gives us a better control. Control with no illusions.
Uncertainty doesn’t mean giving up the control we have — control over our thoughts, actions, words, emotions. It means giving up the control we never had in the first place — control over people, over opinions, over feelings of the other, reactions to our actions, control over the future, things that might or might not happen. That control is an illusion. All frustrations in life come from that illusion. All the suffering.
A part of me, not sure what part, somewhere inside of me cried, when I said I’m giving it up, all of it, all the expectations, control that I never had. I give up the illusion of knowledge, knowledge of who I am, where I’m going, why I am here.
I just am.
I give it all up.
I don’t know.
I really felt some part of me cried. I felt the pain. I felt the tears. It didn’t want to let go.
But something new was born at the same time. Something changed at that moment.
I never slept that peacefully.
For almost every day of my life, since I was very little, I had a plan. I had goals. Always. I had things I thought made my life meaningful. They all were in the future. I didn’t realize, how every time, when I would start chasing another goal, goal that had very little to do with what was going on in my life, what was unfolding in front of me, every time I did that — I said no to life, I restricted my freedom, willingly putting myself in a self-made prison of new wants, new desires, new goals.
I needed to chase something “bigger” than me, to feel like I had a meaning, to feel satisfied for the moment with what I was, to feel like my life was not a waste. I needed a greater cause to allow myself to be happy then. Where I was. Being what I was.
People say we need financial goals, we need to know the exact amount of money needed to achieve financial freedom.
I never could get it.
I don’t know the exact amount of money that will make me happy. I am happy now. I need very little. The rest is an inside job.
Money never motivated me, so why should I bother putting myself in yet another prison of yet another goal, goal that doesn’t even motivate me?
People say, “but then you’ll be free!”
In what Universe does freedom have a price tag?
Even if I get to decide, what the price is?
I live in different countries around the world.
I design my own schedule and nobody can tell me what to do. What to think. What to say. How to say it. What to wear or not wear. What the right thing to do is, and the wrong thing is.
I do the work I want to do, when I decide to do it, the work I love to do.
Whenever I want something, there is always an opportunity to get it, doing the work I love, or just saying yes to the opportunities, gifts that Universe provides.
Yes, I can’t buy an airplane ticket and go to Tibet any time I want, or buy every shiny new gadget on the market. Or I can’t feed all the hungry people on the streets of the world just yet. But maybe it’s not the time, yet, for me?
Maybe I need to learn to live MY life first? Before trying to fix the whole world all at once. And maybe it’s not my place to do the feeding part, not my calling, maybe there is something else I got to do in the world? Something that my life journey is perfectly designed for. By someone or something, who knows better.
And maybe I decide to finally trust. Trust the world and its undeniable imperfect perfect order and harmony. The world I am a part of. The world that my life is a part of.
Ultimate trust, conscious trust is when you say and really mean it, “I give my life to you”, what do you want to do with it? Ultimate trust is saying no to all the bullshit the world says we should do, and saying yes to the moment, to life, that knocks on our door every day, every moment.
I used to think money has something to do with freedom. That being able to buy anything we want -gadgets, trips, courses, books, gym memberships, all the supplements, clothes, trips and other experiences we want, the moment we want them, or to give the money to whoever we want, because it feels good — I thought, that was an ultimate freedom.
The more I thought like that, the less money I felt I had.
Oh, I could afford many things we dream of — traveling around the world, staying in 5* places, eating in best restaurants, going to the best gyms, spending time by the beach daily, buying nice clothes, any book I wanted to read, gadgets, writing, doing art daily, thanks God I never was stupid, and knew how to make money anywhere, being kind and blond helped also, but freedom?
I never felt free. I felt like the more I had, the more I needed to have to feel free.
Having certain amount in the bank, or passive “guaranteed” income, does not buy freedom, no matter how many people tell you that. When we associate any financial situation with freedom, we give our freedom away right then and there.
When we link happiness, freedom to some amount of money, or financial situation — we take our freedom and happiness and give it to someone, to something. Because no matter what we do in life — nothing is 100% guaranteed. ANYONE can go broke, no matter the amount of money and the situation. Earning our financial “freedom”, just puts us in another prison. Financial prison.
I don’t have any money in my savings account.
I don’t even have a bank account!
Hard to believe it’s possible to have a good life these days without a bank account?
Takes some creativity, but possible.
AND. I never felt so free in my entire life!
No matter what happens with financial system. Bank system. Housing situation. It has almost no effect on my life. I have an amazing lifestyle I love. I do the work I love — my professions change often. I design my own schedule. I am healthy. I am fit. I live by the beach most of the time and haven’t seen winter for 6 years. If the ocean washes away my laptop one day and internet crushes — I’d still survive.
I used to think freedom is about going places, doing bungee-jumping type of things daily, about traveling to any place in the world, when I want, with who I want, for as long as I want.
But isn’t that just another shiny thing to fill my day with? Just another purchase only in “experience” category? Lasts longer — no arguments about that. But is this the meaning?
Is this the ultimate goal? To have as many adrenaline-rush-causing kind of experiences as we can? Seeing as many things as we can? Who did more wins? Is that it? Is that what I was chasing all that time?
No wonder nothing was ever enough.
Maybe freedom is something else. Maybe it’s the ability to be who we truly are, wherever we are no matter the circumstance?
Maybe it’s staying 100% authentic and true to yourself? Never binding yourself, your self-worth, your life purpose to some goal? Some amount of money?
Maybe it’s living in the moment and really living the happiness, full intensity of that moment?
Maybe freedom is loving every moment of our life and knowing, that this is exactly, where we are supposed to be. That this moment is perfect. And also listening to our inner voice and trusting it, when it says, “It’s time to go, time to change, there is a place we got to be, a person we got to meet. Let’s go. Let’s play.”
Maybe freedom is about being happy regardless, not because of.
Maybe freedom is owing our time, owing our now, and letting ourselves be and do, whatever feels right at the moment. With no buts, ifs, I have tos.
Freedom is possible. But we can’t buy our way there with passive or residual income. Or a big savings account.
“Financial Freedom”. Isn’t that a stupid phrase or what?
We can’t be financially free, when we got to pay for that freedom one way or the other. We are never financially free, when we associate freedom with a certain amount in the bank. Certain financial situation. We just put ourselves in a better conditioned prison.
We are never truly financially free in this world. Not just yet.
But we can get closer to being financially free, doing things not because we can afford it — money and time wise, or because it makes sense financially, but because it makes us feel alive, because we absolutely love the idea of doing it right now, even if it makes no financial or other sense whatsoever to anyone but us.
And somehow money follows anyway.
We can get pretty close to financial freedom.
When we stop trying to buy our freedom.
Money has no real value, except the one we give to it. If you are on an deserted island, alone with no stores around, nothing to buy, what you gonna do with money? Eat it???
I do have to make a living. As anyone. But I do it on my terms. I’d rather stay hungry sometimes — that happened not once — than allow money to design my life, tell me what to do, or how to feel about myself.
And the more I show the middle finger to the money system, the easier the cash flows, the easier it is to be a happy human being. Human being ready to listen, to help, to be here and now. Ready to serve the moment. And another human being sharing that moment with me.
I might not be financially free 100%.
But life is pretty damn amazing. NOW.