Flirting for Women. Nutrition and Exercise (and, well, rocking body) is NOT everything.
I opened my blog planner and today I was supposed to write about nutrition. Something smart, easy to do, something to help you feel and look sexy.
I love nutrition and I’m passionate about it. I love learning about it, applying it, and sharing my knowledge and experience with you.
Nutrition, the science of food, is important and it influences a lot of areas in our life, even the one we don’t usually connect it to. What we eat affects our mood and overall energy levels, stress levels, sleep quality, our relationships with ourselves and the world around us, our learning and work capabilities, success in life.
It’s all connected in life and food is super connected. because it literally gives us energy or takes it away, it contributes to our well or ill-being, it builds our bodies and brains, signals our body what hormones to produce and gives building blocks for that. Eating is an in important ritual that connects us to Earth, nature, people — basically, nutrition is important, you get the idea.
But it’s not everything.
One might have a perfect diet (I’m very much close to it, close to my personal perfection) AND have a great body because of it (Nutrition 90 % or more defines the way our body looks and works, if we don’t get metaphysical about it), but one might not have the life they like (I ate right most of my life but only now — 28 — I started really falling in love with my life). AND one might not automatically have their relationships all figured out because they are healthy physically.
Yes. I’m talking about myself here.
I am in a good physical shape and health — that what happens when one practices health.
I do the work I love.
I don’t do shit that is against my nature and I would hate doing.
I live in a beautiful place.
I make enough money to live the life I love.
I have enough time to be creative and play.
I have passions, mission in life, inspiring goals I’m moving towards. — There is always something to improve and get better at, something I’m excited about, something I’m working on — It’s essential for life! One got to have the drive! Otherwise what’s the point of living?…Unless you decide to be a monk and work on higher realms of reality. An option too.
Anyway… Boasting continues…
I love my family and have great relationships with them.
I have zero toxic people in my life.
I have a few close friends I love.
But I don’t feel like I’m satisfied with my romantic life.
I might say to myself:
“Well, I’m just very selective and know what I want and there happen to be zero people in my life now I’m attracted to in this way.”
And it might be true.
But is it?
I know I’m attractive and all — but, you know, it’s not enough. It’s not enough to eat right and exercise and look good to have a successful life — especially when it comes to relationships! Although it sure helps — it’s not enough! It’s not everything!
One might be a whole package, even with bonuses, and one still might have zero going on when it comes to romantic life. If not zero — close to it. I’m honest here. It is what it is.
And I know it has nothing to do with my looks or my mental abilities, or even my personality, the kind of person I am. Because I AM a nice person, I am fun, I love people and do kindness whenever I can, I am here to make a better world and I live my belief.
It’s all about my mindset and wrong actions.
Wrong beliefs and assumptions also.
And today I realized, how many things and what exactly I was doing wrong to produce such results.
Thanks to “Art of Charm”, Jordan Harbinger, Kimberly Seltzer, and
http://www.eliteimagemakeovers.com/ (Kimberly’s Website)
I had that PROFOUND realization! I know it’s gonna change my life starting today.
I was doing all the wrong things. I was having false beliefs. I had excuses. I didn’t even know the definition or purpose of flirting!
I used to think, that if you flirt it means you got to have some serious intentions — I believe many girls and women suffer from that. We think, if we flirt we might attract too much of the attention we don’t really want, we might send the wrong signals to the wrong guys and then the guy might suffer (Kimberly said the right thing: “I haven’t heard about a guy who died because a girl said NO to him”).
SO WHAT, if we attract too much of the wrong attention?
At least then we will have a choice and can set things straight — get rid of the wrong people and keep the right ones. How else people and guys in particular will get to know us, if we keep sending the signals similar to “don’t even bother” very often not realizing it ourselves.
What about just flirting? Being playful?
With guys and not only. With life!
What’s the worst that could happen?
We will have to say NO to too many opportunities and people?
Got to learn say NO sometimes. Better sooner than later.
And we still can be nice and kind people. Saying NO doesn’t mean being a bad person — we women often think so.
Besides playfulness and flirting without serious intentions is fun! — That what flirting is actually meant for. FUN!
It makes life sparkly and colorful AND yes, attracts possible mates AND many other opportunities in personal and professional life.
Who you’d rather (hypothetically) offer a job to? That sparkly girl/guy you know from somewhere (gym, spa, book store, aikido class) that always makes you smile OR some stranger that you see sometimes that never says anything to you? Even when you have no other “hidden” agenda or intentions? Who you’d rather work and deal with? No matter what it is.
Exactly my point.
By the way not only women overthink flirting.
Read this short real life fun story I wrote and lived in Brazil Rio.
That’s why I stopped asking guys to do something sometimes — most just put words in my mouth I never said or even thought.
Another example/excuse from the same podcast episode that touched my heart.
“I want him to like me for my intelligence, not as a sexual object.”
Yes, I used to think like that. Till today that is.
And that’s why I tried not to look too good or too sexy (Don’t get me wrong but being naturally long-haired blond with green eyes, nice face and fit body sometimes attracts attention whether you want it or not). I tried not to be friendly always, with guys I mean, I tried to always put my geeky side in front, not my feminine side, and it worked. Most guys who ended up being my friends admitted that they were attracted to me but because of the way I behaved they just didn’t know what to do with me, how to approach me, they couldn’t see the woman they could have a relationship with in me, I was more like an interesting beautiful “something” they couldn’t define or understand, and they certainly had no idea what’s really in my head and how the potential relationship with someone like me could look like — and I did not help, in all my communication I tried to put my geeky/weird side out there, very often sending all the signals that I’m not interested in anything romantic.
Basically, I chose not to show my feminine side being afraid that that’s all what people will see in me and guess what happened?
Men stopped seeing a woman in me. Surprise, ha?
Isn’t that what I wanted to achieve?
I just thought that the right guy will see everything in me — the weird geeky girl AND the woman. And the wrong guy — I don’t care.
But guess what?
Guys see the woman first and then they decide if they want to dig deeper.
And it’s not even their fault. It’s Biology.
So, using the words of Will Smith from one of my favorites movies “Hitch”, maybe I should “take down fuck-off sign from my forehead” for a while and embrace my feminine side that I do love a lot. Oh, I love dressing up and doing nails and flirting. It’s not all I am. But I love it too. Even though I AM weird and geeky and crazy and unpredictable and no one will ever know what’s gonna be on my mind the next minute. But I AM also a woman. Loving, caring, flirty and playful.
So, the conclusion.
Our relationship success is not defined by what we have BUT by what we do with what we have.
And we all might have the wrong idea about all of it, and do the wrong things without even realizing it — good sign that’s the case, — love life we are not satisfied with.
Another line from a movie I watched recently (“The Wedding Date”):
“Every woman has the exact love life she wants”
I agree with that.
It’s just sometimes we don’t know how to properly align our wants with our actions, our behavior, we don’t know how to send the right signals to attract the love life we want (It is true not only for our love life, of course).
If you are having similar issues in life — listen to this podcast. It’s gold!
I’d love to hear what you think in the comments below also. I love stories from real awesome people, like YOU!
And I am excited to start a week experiment to figure out how to send the right signals to get better at flirting with life and attracting potential fun romantic and not only opportunities!
Report will be up this Sunday! Stay TUNED!!!
- Tune in and listen to the podcast. Kimberly Seltzer | Flirting for Women (Episode 497)
- Comment, if the message here touched something in you.