The Art of Re-Inventing Myself.
Leap — the Net is There.
I’ve been feeling out of place.
Not stressed. Unsettled.
I knew I was moving somewhere — my life, my career, my relationships are moving somewhere good.
But I have no idea where exactly.
Picking up another goal, making another plan, committing to another project — just doesn’t feel right.
Re-defining myself, putting new labels on, re-inventing myself — it’s time for it. But not just yet.
In-Between first.
I’ve got to trust and let life take its natural course. No matter what that course is. As long as it feels right inside. But it’s scary. Like jumping out of a plane with a parachute in complete darkness. Not knowing where and how I’ll end up landing.
Old projects. Old skin. Old beliefs. That all is obsolete. It doesn’t fit me anymore. It might be familiar and comforting but it doesn’t fit. Like the old clothes I grew out of.
Not my size. Not my style. Not my colors and taste anymore.
It was me for a while. Now it’s time to move on. Find new skin. Re-invent myself.
Only I don’t know, what that new invention looks like.
It would be easy if I knew. When I have a clear vision in my head, it’s easy to get results. I have no problem focusing all my energy on anything and getting results. But lately I didn’t feel comfortable committing to and focusing on anything.
Everything screams all around me, “Define your goal, make a plan, commit to it, make it happen.”
Only…I don’t want to.
I don’t know EXACTLY, what I want. It makes me feel like something is wrong with me. Like I’m a lazy person, or lack focus, or broken and need to be fixed.
Only…I know it’s not true.
What if I AM OK?
What if I just need some time to live? Freely. What if life just needs some time to show me something? To show me the way, possibly?
I moved to a new place today.
Still same country. New apartment.
It’s easy to move from place to place, when all your stuff can fit in a couple of bags.
It feels liberating.
Any day of the week I can pack in 30 minutes and take the plane to any place in the world (Almost. Can’t wait to see the time, when visas are no issue)
I moved in total 2 hours with packing, moving and unpacking. AirBnB makes it possible to find an amazing place almost anywhere in the world fast. But with my traveling experience, I can find a place anywhere in the world with absolutely no language anyway. Traveling light helps with that.
I got really good at improvised sign language while traveling. Most of the things I need I can explain with body and sign language. Sometimes I draw things, if nothing else helps. Good I have the hands for that.
Making a fool out of myself, not taking myself seriously, being able to laugh at myself, being OK with looking silly — it all a part of my skill set now. I mastered the art of not giving a fuck.
I moved. It got so clear to me — that uncomfortable feeling I had for a few days, it was all about being in-between places.
Not really here and not really there yet.
Moving helps to release old energy. Nothing holds me back. Not my own labels. Not other people’s expectations and opinions. Nothing reminds me of my old self or my old life. Well, almost nothing. Just my own head might get in the way. Meditation and Mindfulness can treat that easily.
You might be at the same place.
In-between places to be exact.
And that’s ok. Not having goals or dreams to chase might be just what we need at the moment. Not some crazy goal to achieve in the last days of the year to show something to others and satisfy our ego, justify another year of our life.
Not every moment and every period of life should have a goal.
Look at it like at another childhood. Time to live. Time to have fun. Time to explore life and yourself. Time to be curious again and look at everything with the new pair of eyes.
Did you have goals when you were a kid?
I didn’t. I had things I enjoyed daily.
Not having exact measurable goals and dreams didn’t stop me from being happy back then. Or growing up. Or becoming something.
Why would it stop me now? Why would it stop you?
I might not know exactly how each of us should be and live in that in-between place but I know that:
- Moving to a new place helps. Even if it’s temporarily.
- Not setting any new goals, not inventing any new dreams, not putting new labels on, not defining direction for a while helps to find the right direction eventually.
- Letting life take its course naturally, not forcing anything helps.
- Being around new people or no one, or the ones who embrace changes easily and are not stuck in their opinions helps.
- Taking a break from work, and any activity that feels like you are forcing it, helps.
- Traveling to a new place in the world with no plan helps a lot.
- Not having plans at all is one of the best thing I know for the time being.
- Doing only the things that feel right and saying no to anything else helps.
- Saying yes to things you haven’t tried before helps.
- Meditation and Mindful breathing, Mindful living are the key.
- Taking care of our health to be ready for any journey future has in store for us helps to build confidence and fearlessness.
- Being out of relationships, or any other commitments helps. Try to reduce the amount of promises you give.
- Living one day at a time. One moment at a time. It’s your new default.
- Being ready to start from 0 and end up a 0 — takes courage but a must too. There are no guarantees. There were none.
- Dying every night and being born every morning with no expectations, ready to embrace the world as it is and answer the call, being curious all the time — that’s life. Now. In-Between.
How long that in-between will last?
A few days? A week? A month? A year?
Nobody knows. It’s life. It’s growing up.
It’s embracing and exploring that out-of-our-comfort-zone in-between place.
I can’t know, where I am going. I’ve never been there. I can’t plan the journey. (It drives me crazy sometimes).
But I got to make the journey.
Take a deep breath.
Time to jump.
Tim to leap.
The net is there. It always is.
