Some people can never lose weight and that’s their thing, that explains to them, why their life turned out to be so shitty.
Some people can never clean up the mess in their relationships. Like there is too much drama. Or there is never the situation they like, either they need someone or they want to get rid of someone for their world to become perfect.
Some people are never satisfied with their career.
Or money situation.
Or family situation.
It seems that it is easier for us to have a reason why we CAN’T have it all, than get over that reason and finally have it all.
Having it all is not that difficult because being happy is simple, when we get over our complicated idea about happiness.
Everyone has a reason NOT to be happy these days. Some fascinating special-case type of story.
Dysfunctional family and messed-up childhood anyone?
I couldn’t be happy for many reasons in my life.
First as a teenager I wasn’t pretty enough and didn’t have big enough boobs.
Or I didn’t have a big fancy enough wardrobe, as one of my best girlfriends had, and therefore I couldn’t possibly consider myself happy!
Or my parents didn’t have a cool enough house, or cool enough car, or didn’t have the ideal relationship, that I could be proud off. They (Surprise! Surprise!) didn’t have a perfect relationship and I felt ashamed of it. (That is amazing how much as kids we associate our self-worth with our family, our parents, our house, our stuff, everything but ourselves). I was ashamed of my sister, who (Another surprise! Not perfect siblings!) couldn’t figure out her life and had lots of issues, alcohol/drug problems, problems with my parents, her body image, you know, the usual package.
All of that “prevented” my life from being perfect, and as a result I couldn’t be happy being imperfect in a perfect world or perfect others.
Then it was not fancy enough college.
Or not fancy enough wardrobe in college again.
Or not perfect body again (That continued for quite a while like with most women).
Or not having enough pocket money.
Or not being smart and talented enough to win some national awards and competitions, or not having all straight As in college all the time. 99% As just wouldn’t do it.
Or not having fancy vacations.
Or not being first at every sport.
Or never having enough money to buy EVERYTHING I could think of.
All that prevented me from being happy. That was in my way.
No matter if I was hit on by guys constantly, pretty great guys, I’d still have body issues and wouldn’t feel pretty.
No matter how good my grades would get (almost all As), they would still be not good enough. They would still not make me feel special and happy enough.
No matter how much money I’d make for clothes or gadgets or travels, there always would be something out of my reach, something I wanted. And that, also, of course, made me feel miserable.
And of course my family, friends, boyfriends were always somehow not perfect, and that’s why I never could be happy. If only they all changed! To meet ALL my expectations! Don’t you wish that sometimes?
I could be so perfect, if the world finally got perfect!
And then I was always at the wrong place, at the wrong time, never got the opportunities I deserved to use my talents fully…blah, blah, blah…
There was always something to prevent my happiness from finding me.
That went on for a while.
For most of my life actually.
Until, somewhere during my 6-year travel around the world, being too busy solving real life problems where to sleep or what to eat, I lost all the reasons why I couldn’t be what I wanted to be — healthy, happy, successful, smart, pretty, lucky, talented — and became that. I dedicated myself to practice of all the things that made me what I wanted to be.
Most important decision back then — I decided to be happy.
I decided to be happy not waiting for the world to become perfect. I stopped wasting energy on reasons why I couldn’t be happy, and spent all of it on doing things that actually made me feel happy. And that was not buying more and more stuff, or having that body of a girl on the next treadmill. Or the outfit.
And you know what I realized then?
There was never anything keeping me from being happy. I didn’t want to be happy. Because then I would have to answer the question.
I am OK. There is nothing wrong with me, OR the world, OR people in it. I can have and do anything I want, as long as I am willing to work for it.
What do you do with your life, when you realize you are NOT broken?
When you have no excuses to NOT be what you wanna be? When you have no excuses to NOT have the life you dream about?
You know what?
Now the fun begins…
Now. You got to work your ass off to make things happen. Make your dreams happen.
Your dreams don’t work until you do.
And it’s gonna get uncomfortable. And at times, often, painful.
And you not gonna look good most of the time.
And you will have to learn and work and learn more, and fall flat on your face, and look stupid, and feel stupid, and feel ashamed of what you just did or said, and feel scared often, and hell-I-have-no-idea-what-I’m-doing VERY often.
And you’ll end up doing things, you never thought you’d do. It’s gonna be a journey. An interesting one. Exciting. Fun. Often painful and uncomfortable.
You’ll end up doing stuff. Stuff you are proud of. And not so much.
You’ll end up becoming a different person you don’t recognize. Hopefully a better wiser one. VERY hopefully more kind and fun.
You’ll end up learning stuff. Learning often. Hopefully fast and painless. More often not.
You’ll end up going through the whole spectrum of human emotions. Anger, love, hate, sadness, denial, frustrations, excitement. Through ups, downs, ups and downs again, and all the stages in-between, feeling like it’s the end of the world one day and you are in paradise the next one.
It’s gonna be…interesting.
No guarantees you’ll end up in a better place.
No guarantees of a better body or financial situation, or at least better girlfriend/boyfriend.
And that’s I guess THE downside everyone is afraid of.
That and working our ass of for nothing. Ending up looking like fools. And old.
Better to change nothing, bury ourselves in self-created drama and problems, issues of our imperfect broken selves, excuses why we couldn’t have a better life.
At least then we get to lay on the couch NOW, binge-eating whatever the crap we want watching some mind-numbing-and-dumbing TV show and having an instant gratification and feeling somewhat happy.
At least we get to solve yet another “real” problem losing a few kg of weight, we get to feel somewhat successful accomplishing shit. Anything. We get to feel important. Even if to ourselves only.
Anything is better compared to feeling like a failure that didn’t manage to achieve greatness, and looking like a fool to others on top of that, because we ever thought we could pull that crazy idea off.
You are NOT broken.
You are OK.
What is your excuse? What is your special-case type of story?
And most importantly…